On this day, exactly a year ago, I made a decision that determined a lot of things.
But most importantly, that decision determined whether or not I would walk into the next season of my life or not.
Upon making that decision, I was very sure things were going to work out as I had predicted.
I had committed everything to God. I was so sure He was going to come through for me like other times.
In fact, the night before I made that decision, I had a vigil just praising God. I had so much energy that morning. I was full of joy; I went for a run, and all I could do was thank God and praise Him in advance for what I knew He was going to do.
I started to celebrate in advance; I was so sure this was it. No one was going to tell me otherwise.
So, you can imagine the shock on my face when things didn’t work out as I had planned.
I had so many questions. Especially why He didn’t give me a clue that morning to show I was making a wrong decision. I was so confused.
I was so angry! I was disappointed. I felt betrayed.
I had committed everything to God, and I didn’t understand why He didn’t come through just this one time I needed Him so badly.
I became so bitter. I couldn’t pray, couldn’t do anything with myself except cry and sulk. I pushed everyone away and wallowed in despair. Everything seemed blur at the time.
I remember getting into an argument with my Mum while we were watching a sermon where our Pastor preached on the ‘Covenant of Blessing’. This is because I felt I had been sold a lie.
At the time, I was so in love with God (I still am) and the things of the Kingdom, and I believed (and still believe) that if I make the things of God my priority, He will take care of my needs. (Matthew 6:33)
My family members were concerned about me, they thought I was going to renounce my faith because of that experience. I remember a friend comforting me and advising me to pour out my frustration to God. And I eventually did so after some time; Best advice I got during that period!
In case you are wondering if it is okay to let God know how you feel, look at David from the Bible. The book of Psalms reveals to us that he was brutally honest in his relationship with God. He expressed all his emotions to God, both the highs and the lows.
The truth is that, whether you let God know how you feel or not, he already knows. Some of us have mastered the act of hiding from God that we miss out on a genuine relationship. It shouldn’t be so. God knows you, He knows every single detail about your life. He is not a man, nothing you tell Him can scare Him away. Being sincere in our personal dealings with God is so important!
I thank God for maturity because I now know that God is still God no matter what I go through. I have a better understanding right now. But that is a story for another day.
Look at me today, I am alive, though that temporary setback tested me, it has produced in me something that is by far greater than whatever the next season held in store. It has produced in me what can never be taken away from me. Encounters, experiences that I would have never had.
My faith has grown to another level. I am a different person. My relationship with God is realer than it has ever been. That fire I passed through didn’t destroy me, it has refined me. So, I am grateful. Sometimes blessings come in disappointments.
In retrospect, I can’t believe I spent so much time crying over spilled milk. I wish I had a different perspective and channeled all that energy used in crying and overthinking to something useful. Well, that’s all in the past now.
So, for anyone going through a hard time, maybe your expectations of some sort didn’t come to pass, I’d like to share with you a few things that I wish I had known a year ago;
- Firstly, never play the blame game! It is not necessary. The blame game does not change any situation. Just leave the past in the past and move on.
- Disappointments will come so far as you are alive. We must endeavour to take it easy on ourselves. You shouldn’t beat yourself up. Make sure you pick up the lessons and do better next time. Feel and express your emotions but don’t wallow in them.
- Don’t shut your loved ones out. It can be tempting to do that, but they are on your team, and they are feeling whatever you are going through one way or the other. Let them in. Surround yourself with loved ones/community it is so important!
- Your perspective is so important. We have all heard about the half-full and half-empty glass cup illustration. So, yeah, it is up to you. You can either see it as an open door or a closed door. I’d go with the former if I were you.
- Never blame God. Please don’t. He may be the creator of the universe, but He has given us free will and He can’t be held responsible for the choices we make. He never steps into a situation unless He is invited, before you blame Him, ask yourself if you invited Him into the situation.
- Plus, it is never over with God. You should never question God’s integrity over a minor setback in your life. He is a faithful God. Just trust Him. We must also understand that we can’t get an explanation for everything on this side of eternity and learn to live with that..
- Lastly, I know some people experience disappointments from losses and events that are very hard to go through. For example, the loss of a loved one. Such events leave a permanent void, and you can’t necessarily move on from that; things can’t be the same after such a loss. For such situations, I pray that the Holy Spirit comforts you and fills the void left in your heart. May He give you the strength to get through the days ahead.
But for minor situations, like a delay or a breakup, or maybe rejection of any sort. Please always ask yourself if it will matter a year from now? If it won’t, then please stop beating yourself up. Go buy yourself your favourite ice cream and indulge because that situation is temporary. It is just a minor setback. Brighter days lie ahead. It is not over, there is hope. A living dog is better than a dead lion.
I hope this has been helpful to someone. Let me know if you have any questions or need to chat about any challenge or hard time you may be facing. I’d be happy to listen.
Have a blessed day!