Just recently, I had a conversation with someone I have known for a while but lost contact with. To be honest, I did not feel the need to make efforts to sustain the relationship because I did not think this person expected much from me. Due to my passive attitude and other circumstances, we lost connection for some time. Nevertheless, thankfully, Facebook allowed us to reconnect. 😅
While this person was expressing their displeasure at how things went, specifically putting all the blame on me, I had to ask if they thought I was the Holy Spirit who searches all things. How was I supposed to know that this person expected so much from me? I am not a spirit; I do not read minds.
There are two crucial lessons I have learnt in my short time on earth when it concerns relationships, and they are;
- To never make assumptions. I must seek clarity in everything,
- To be vocal about my expectations from people or stop having unrealistic expectations.
The problem with making assumptions and not being vocal about your expectations is that you will get your heartbroken.
I have learnt to be very vocal about what I expect from the people around me and what they can expect from me. I also ask a ton of questions to the people around me, so I do not assume I know what their expectations from me are. I am not too fond of stress, so I do everything possible to avoid it.
I have learnt to lay all my cards on the table. There is no need for beating around the bush. Communication is essential for a successful relationship. If you are not able to effectively communicate your needs or what is on your mind, how is the other person supposed to know?
We must learn to define the roles and needs in every relationship or else we are laying the foundation of a crisis filled relationship.
We must learn to be vocal about our needs and also listen when others try to educate us on theirs. It is also imperative to communicate if we are willing or have the capacity to meet the expectations that others have from us.
It would be best if you did not pretend you agree with something when you do not.
Lastly, stop assuming! You would never know what is running through another person’s mind if they do not let you in. This is why you must ask questions, do your research, confirm several times if you have to. It would also be in your interest if you confirm with the other person or else you stand a chance of getting heartbroken.
Some people make up plots and stories in their heads and just run with it. Life is not a Disney movie, please and please, stop making assumptions. Seek clarity always.
Define the roles in your relationships. If you have expectations, communicate them effectively.
Remember that where order is lacking, chaos and conflict abound.
Thank you for reading as always, please feel free to leave your thoughts on today’s post in the comments. I would love to hear from you.