Assumptions & Expectations

Just recently, I had a conversation with someone I have known for a while but lost contact with. To be honest, I did not feel the need to make efforts to sustain the relationship because I did not think this person expected much from me. Due to my passive attitude and other circumstances, we lost connection for some time. Nevertheless, thankfully, Facebook allowed us to reconnect. πŸ˜…

While this person was expressing their displeasure at how things went, specifically putting all the blame on me, I had to ask if they thought I was the Holy Spirit who searches all things. How was I supposed to know that this person expected so much from me? I am not a spirit; I do not read minds.

There are two crucial lessons I have learnt in my short time on earth when it concerns relationships, and they are;

  • To never make assumptions. I must seek clarity in everything,
  • To be vocal about my expectations from people or stop having unrealistic expectations.

The problem with making assumptions and not being vocal about your expectations is that you will get your heartbroken.

I have learnt to be very vocal about what I expect from the people around me and what they can expect from me. I also ask a ton of questions to the people around me, so I do not assume I know what their expectations from me are. I am not too fond of stress, so I do everything possible to avoid it.

I have learnt to lay all my cards on the table. There is no need for beating around the bush. Communication is essential for a successful relationship. If you are not able to effectively communicate your needs or what is on your mind, how is the other person supposed to know?

We must learn to define the roles and needs in every relationship or else we are laying the foundation of a crisis filled relationship.

We must learn to be vocal about our needs and also listen when others try to educate us on theirs. It is also imperative to communicate if we are willing or have the capacity to meet the expectations that others have from us.

It would be best if you did not pretend you agree with something when you do not.

Lastly, stop assuming! You would never know what is running through another person’s mind if they do not let you in.Β  This is why you must ask questions, do your research, confirm several times if you have to. It would also be in your interest if you confirm with the other person or else you stand a chance of getting heartbroken.

Some people make up plots and stories in their heads and just run with it. Life is not a Disney movie, please and please, stop making assumptions. Seek clarity always.

Define the roles in your relationships. If you have expectations, communicate them effectively.

Remember that where order is lacking, chaos and conflict abound.

Thank you for reading as always, please feel free to leave your thoughts on today’s post in the comments. I would love to hear from you.

Love, Sharimam.

11 Comments Add yours

  1. Cherry says:

    This is so apt. I find it ridiculous when people insist if their friends or partners are attentive enough, they’d figure out their needs. Like you mentioned, only the Holy Spirit can search our hearts so why place such responsibility on another human being?
    Actions are louder than words but words are definitely clearer than actions!

    1. Sharimam says:

      It is very ridiculous! It is a very toxic trait actually. No relationship thrives on assumption. The burden we place on fellow human beings can be a bit too much sometimes. I love the quote you tied up your comment with – words are definitely clearer than actions!

      Thanks for your comment CherryπŸ’•

  2. Lima says:

    I have also learned to not stress myself, as much as we seek to maintain relationships, you can never meet some peoples expectations. Only the Holy Spirit can do that; He is the only who can meet everyone half way or go all the way.
    .
    .
    .
    .
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    I hope we can all come clear about our thoughts and express them, so we can all fix our flaws. Assumptions has no way of making life right!

    Thank you Ma’am 🌹

    1. Sharimam says:

      I love how you involved the help of the Holy Spirit. Honestly, we can’t do without his help. He helps us in our relationships. To an extent, he makes relationships easy.

      I really hope we can learn to stop making assumptions and having unrealistic expectations. Thank you for your comment dear!πŸ’•

  3. doriskoki says:

    I really don’t know why we complicate our relationships so much. I don’t know why we fail to express ourselves clearly and hence making this such a major cause of relationship breakdowns. I think we just need to lay our egos down and always talk things out instead of assuming. You know when you talked about making up scenarios in our minds….I totally get it because I was guilty of this sometime back, until after communicating with the other party I discovered I was very wrong. What a waste of my time, energy and creativity. Lol

    I still believe maintaining healthy relationships is not an unachievable task. And you have just given us 2 really insightful tips into that πŸ’―

    I enjoyed reading this post. And, it’s also so relatable.

    1. Sharimam says:

      Exactly! You have said it all Doris. Quite frankly, communication is never easy. Mainly because we haven’t been equipped with the tools needed for that. Unfortunately, its not something we learn in school. I took a stock on some of my failed relationships recently and realised that my refusal to communicate my expectations & making assumptions were contributing factors to the breakdown of my relationships. I don’t think there is a single person who isn’t guilty of thisπŸ˜‚

      Thankfully, with the right skills, we can have healthy relationships. You rightly stated this. It requires a lot of hardwork and uncomfortable conversations and I’m sure we will be able to handle them properly. Thank you so much for your comment. It’s always amazing to know to know someone can relate to you! πŸ’•

      1. doriskoki says:

        We are all guilty πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

        But if we are intentional about putting in the work and holding the uncomfortable conversations with ourselves first, then with others, I’m positive we’ll master this art eventually 😊

        Enjoy your weekend Sharimam πŸ’›

      2. Sharimam says:

        And you too Doris! 🀍🀍

  4. rolerrol says:

    Great post Sharimam.
    You brought up some really great points. And the statement that made my day was,
    “I had to ask if they thought I was the Holy Spirit who searches all things.”

    That got me laughing!! πŸ™‚

    Rolain

    1. Sharimam says:

      Hello Rolain,

      Thank you for your kind words. I am glad my post got you laughingπŸ˜…

      I think the question was very befitting for the situation I found myself in. Had I not asked, the person would have justified their assumptions and unrealistic expectations.

      Try asking the next person who makes an assumption about you. The question works like magicπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Thanks for your comment. Have an amazing Sunday!

      1. rolerrol says:

        I agree.
        There has to be communication and it has to clear and precise.
        Enjoy your Sunday too!

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